I'm constantly looking for the colossal epiphany that answers all of my questions.
Where am I going? What am I supposed to be doing? Will I get to become all I've dreamt of?
Often it doesn't come. Not the way I want.
Instead, I'm compelled to ask that I hear His voice in the whisper, as He gently takes my hand in His:
Like a father his child,
a lover his love.
Lord, Guide me in my blindness to our appointed destination.
For I am still trying to decide, when I just need to discern
Moment by moment; step by step.
I act as if God is standing in a field and pointing out the direction to take, yelling to me, go there!
Like a coach at a baseball game, shouting commands to run! stop! steal! go home!
The distance seems great between us.
I act as if all I can do to complete my life assignments (mission impossible style) is to believe I heard, choose to accept it, then sprint off in my own strength and abilities to make it happen.
Only, it's not a game.
It's more like a safari, trudging through the jungle wasteland together; plowing through the shrubs and thick trees.
Hoping to not be devoured by ravaging beasts and aggressive fellow-trudgers;
Machete in hand He knowingly paves the way that leads me through.
My hand is still nestled securely in His.
Slashing and cutting through the obstacles, a way appears where there seems to be none.
He is so good at that!
I can see the light promising me victory.
He's still holding me.
I should be excited as we near the destination.
But I try even harder to do things my way; my timing, my pace, as if I am leading Him.
He applies loving pressure, knowing my internal struggle and doubt.
I attempt to take my hand back; wondering if this is the right way.
Looking back at me, His loving gaze invites me to trust Him.
Let go; rest, trust, believe - He's got this.
Nodding, I decide to be willing to do things His way: His timing, His pace.
I am following.